I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
