They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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