Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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