He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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