i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
