No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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