Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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