OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
