I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
