i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
