The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
