He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
