Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
