I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
