The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
