You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
