speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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