On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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