is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
