i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
