my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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