direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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