seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
