never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
