we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
