Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
