I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
