Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
