Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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