Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
