What did we do last night that was yellow?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
