my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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