I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
