Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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