it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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