Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Farmville is her only friend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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