I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have demons in me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
