hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
