i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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