It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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