Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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