pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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