just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
