my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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