I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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