Tell her she can't have a vagina
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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