This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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