Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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