haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
