People in love make me want to vomit
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
