This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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