At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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